Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
