maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
