I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
