Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
