I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
