I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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