there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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