that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
