I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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