When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
