How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize