fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
