you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
