nut hugger
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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