i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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