dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm like, not good at living.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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