I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
