got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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