I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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