I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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