I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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