Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
