Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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