the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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