I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
