He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
