you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
