I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
