Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
