I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
