After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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