you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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