How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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