If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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