I am spending my child support on dildos
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
