Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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