I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
