Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
