He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
