i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
