Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
