i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
