I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
