I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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