maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
