I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
