All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
