Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
