Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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