at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize