Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize