Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
