It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
