barbara walters just said penis...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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