i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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