i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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