Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
