We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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