I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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