Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
