Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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