If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
