I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
