took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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