I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
