the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you never un-have a 4some
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
