Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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