He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
NoShamevember. You game?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
